One of the most beautiful discoveries I have ever made, is just how much in life we actually have choice over. Unfortunately many people experience life as something that happens to them, rather than something we create.

The truth is that crap does happens, but the real choice is in how we react to things, what we learn from it, and the meaning we make from it.

Changing the meaning of things is called reframing. We put a new frame around the same picture and change what it means to us. When the meaning changes, our behavior change.

My jujutsu teacher used to say that “fight” is just a word, and two people can’t be in a fight unless they agree. As a martial artist you train for the fight, but avoid it knowing the damage you can do. Fighting is mutual, while self-defense is a reaction. In order to get through a self defense situation, it’s useful to not think of it as a fight, but an imperative situation to end as quickly as possible. The mental shift informs your physical actions.

I have a policy of doing things I suck at and enjoying them. I am not very good at shooting pool and bowling but I will do either at the drop of a hat and enjoy losing. I once had the great opportunity to have my but whupped at ping-pong by a former state champion from India (where ping-pong is a very competitive sport). Instead of wrapping the meaning, “I lost” around these events, I choose to wrap the meanings - “I am having fun , I am losing but I don’t care, this is a great opportunity to practice lessening my ego.”

So go back through your mind and practicing pulling out experiences that you may wish you didn’t have. Ask yourself what positive or resourceful meaning can you wrap around each one. The meaning must be empowering and must make you feel stronger.